Who ya gonna call? GHOST BUSTERS!

Lindsay Manfredi, a self-proclaimed social media rock star and ghost blogger, started a discussion on her blog defending her profession.

Ghost blogging, by its very nature, is writing something for someone who claims to have written the piece, when in fact they did not. Therefore, ghost blogging is misleading the public, if not outright lying to them. You can give this issue to a 5 year old and they can tell you, without question, that it's lying.

Let's play a game. Go to Google. Search "ghost blogging ethics." The only content you'll find that is PRO ghost blogging comes from those who make a living solely from it. Anyone with any credibility in the industry, or any professional organization that sets ethical standards for this kind of thing is totally against it. Just look here or here

Look, my argument is not that we (public relations professionals, writers, etc.) should refuse to help our clients write. Uh, hello. That's a huge part of my job -- part of my job that I LOVE. Of course I understand that Mr. Big Shot, CEO of Big Shot Inc., doesn't always have the time to write his own blogs. And perhaps he isn't even a very good writer, or doesn't "get" what a blog is or he's just lazy and would rather not add it to his to-do list even if he does have all the time in world. And perhaps he stumbled on Ms. Manfredi's Web site and decides that he'd like a rock star to write for him. That's all totally kosher with me. I applaud that. Afterall, Ms. Manfredi needs to eat (and perhaps splurge on some hot new outfit for her rock show). [To demonstrate that this is not a personal attack on Ms. Manfredi, I'd recommend checking out her band, We're Not Mexican. It's pretty good stuff.]

Where I take issue with the whole thing is when Mr. Big Shot and Ms. Manfredi swear each other to secrecy, saying they'll never reveal that SHE is actually doing the writing, letting the public believe that everything she writes is falling straight out of Mr. Big Shot's mouth. Ms. Manfredi, for all intents and purposes, doesn't even exist.

That, my friends, is not okay. It doesn't adhere to ANY of the ethical codes or bylaws of ANY of our industry's organizations. It's also LYING. If you do not disclose that you contributed to a blog, you are actively and willingly deceiving the public. There just isn't any way around that. And if Joe Public finds out that he's been lied to? Well, welcome to The Land of Crisis Communications. The fall out from that could potentially be enormous for the company and your own professional reputation. Why would you want to risk that kind of backlash? This total lack of judgement shows just how green these ghostbloggers are to PR.

As Jason Falls, social media/public relations specialist says, "Transparency is key in social media. Ghost writers are the opposite. The biggest problem is getting found out. You run the risk of being disingenuous. It intimates that you have something to hide.”

All you have to do is DISCLOSE somehow, somewhere that you, the "ghost blogger," did the writing. You could say, "as told to ____," "contributions by ____," "with additional editorial support from ___," "co-written by ______." Whatever. I don't care how you decide to word it. Just do it.

If you don't, you're a liar liar pants on fire. And that tells me: 1) You don't care about professional ethics and standards, 2) The public's opinion doesn't matter to you, 3) You'll conveniently alter your values and morals for a quick buck, 4) You're okay with taking advantage of clients who may not be aware of industry ethical standards, 5) You're totally out of touch with your peers and 6) You're totally out of touch with the whole entire point of social media (authenticity).

Is that what you really want to communicate to me, your professional peers, future clients and public in a world that is increasingly placing an emphasis on transparency and honesty?

Again, my issue here is not with our industry writing for clients or on behalf of clients. I support this. I do it. I got my degree in it. I make my living from it. Just be honest about who wrote what. I don't care if you write every blog post for every client you have from now until eternity. Maybe your writing is actually 400% better than anything your clients could come up with. Congrats! But please -- just tell us you wrote it.

Plus, by being a "ghost blogger," you're cheating yourself out of future business. If I see a brilliant piece of writing that I'm told is written by Mr. Big Shot but is actually written by Lindsay, how would I ever be able to give her props for her skill or recommend her if I have no idea she did the writing? You're hiding yourself from new clients.

Look, everyone messes up from time to time. I'm not going to become the Ethics Nazi and call everyone out on every little oversight or omission. We're all learning together here, and no one is perfect, except for myself. (TOTALLY KIDDING! Just seeing if you were still paying attention.) But when your entire career and business model centers around deceiving the public... well, that's not okay. It gives our industry a bad name. I can't tell you how many cocktail parties I go to where someone asks what I do, and I say I'm a PR account exec, and I get some form of the "Oooh, so you spin to the public?"

Ghostbloggers -- please don't keep giving fuel to this argument.

P.S. Don't leave a comment saying, "Elizabeth, you're so naive! Don't you know how many people use ghostbloggers? Don't you realize Obama doesn't write his own speeches, that the Ford CEO doesn't make his own commercials, that Santa isn't real and that it was really your mother putting money under your pillow when you lost your tooth?" Look. Just because something is prevalent in society and/or has been happening since written word existed (literally) doesn't make it right.

For my wedding...

My color will be navy and baby blue.

I will wear this, but in white:



I will wear this in my hair:


The hubby will wear this, minus the tie. Perhaps a bow tie?



And we will get married here.

Homance.

I'm not sure when or how this happened, but my generation has a totally fucked up view of dating.

Over the course of the past week, my girlfriends and I have lamented to each other about our particular, frustrating "dating" scenarios. First there's Jane Doe. She's been having casual sex with a guy on a regular basis for the past month or so. They get along great, the physical part of their connection is terrific and there isn't any kind of weird baggage (ex-wife, kids, whatever) that might keep the two apart. She's head over heels for him and rightfully so. Afterall, they share a bed together (for things other than sleeping) on an almost daily basis.

"I really think I'm starting to fall for him," she sighed over coffee. "And I don't know what to do!"

Being the straight shooter that I am (at least in situations that aren't my own) I recommended she just tell him that she has feelings, see if he feels the same, and suggest they actually begin to date.

She reacted as if I asked her to sacrifice an infant on a mountaintop.

"What?? Are you KIDDING me? No. Way. I don't want to look like that crazy girl that thinks sex leads to love."

It made me laugh that she and this guy were more than comfortable enough with each other to lay around naked and contort themselves into the majority of the Kama Sutra, yet she was completely horrified at the prospect of telling him that she might be into him for more than just a good ride. The irony wasn't lost on her either. Why was it so much easier for her to be sexual than it was for her to be emotional?

On the flip side, yet on the same topic, another good friend was dating a virgin (a rare species indeed). While frustrated with the situation, she did have to marvel at the sheer novelty of it all: for reasons beyond her control (namely, his self-control), she was dating the old-fashioned way -- feelings first, sex later – if at all. This actually struck us as so odd, so bizarre that we stopped walking in the middle of the mall and looked at one another in total wonder. Love before sex? Weeeeird.

Yes, we were all taught that romance happens a certain way. You like someone and they like you back. They take you to dinner and a movie and a carriage ride. You walk arm and arm. Maybe there's a kiss at the end of the night. You repeat this scenario and several weeks later, after deciding to be boyfriend and girlfriend (or boyfriend and boyfriend or girlfriend and girlfriend), you have a Dawson's Creek moment and make sweet love to a Smashing Pumpkins song.

Right?

Well, as it turns out... no. Or at least, not anymore.

Now "romance" goes something like this: You send each other suggestive texts or GChats or BlackBerry Pings (anything except actually talking). You run into each other at a bar and someone buys the other enough shots to make the two of you propose things you wouldn't otherwise propose. You stumble back to the apartment of whoever has the least amount of roommates, have a drunken but hopefully decent encounter, leave awkwardly a few moments or hours later (depending on how much you've sobered up)… and this gets repeated, usually with each hookup becoming less and less booze-soaked until finally you're doing it sober – a major step – practically an engagement in some circles.

This is when the trouble starts.

Without the shield of alcohol, waters get murky and you end up with raw nerves exposed, like the first friend I mentioned. All of the sudden you're sober and realizing that the person is more than just a living blow up doll and -- stop the train -- you might actually LIKE them. Like, LIKE like them.

Well… now what?

An informal poll of my girl friends revealed that the majority of us would rather tell a hook up buddy that we have herpes than admit we have feelings. Okay, perhaps that's a bit of a hyperbole -- but not by much. Feelings leave you vulnerable. It opens up the possibility that the feeling isn't mutual, which leads to embarrassment, rejection, a crushing blow to the ego, awkward moments and, of course, the jeopardization of future hook ups. Who wants to lose a perfectly friend with benefits over silly FEELINGS? And if the feeling IS mutual -- well, that's fantastic of course, but it leads to its own tricky set of problems. Do we become exclusive? Are you now my boyfriend? Do I really want a boyfriend or do I just not want to share you?

This would all be so much easier if we did things the old-fashioned way -- that is, established mutual romantic feelings first THEN got physical. Sadly, I can't think of a single relationship -- mine or my friends -- that started this way. Somehow we've all done the physical first and awkwardly dog paddled our way down the river of love weeks and months down the line. It's riskier this way, loads more confusing and infinitely more frustrating.

So this begs the question: Why do we do it? Why is "I like you" such a horrible thing to say? How come sex doesn't make things awkward but feelings do? Shouldn't seeing someone naked and sweaty be more of an ego risk than wanting to hold someone's hand? When did it become "crazy" to have feelings for the person you do the deed with? When did this switcharoo happen?

What words can't express

There is so much I’d like to write about. The past month or two could probably produce VOLUMES of blog posts. All I’ve wanted to do is write, write, write until I can make sense of my situation and my feelings and find some kind of nugget of truth or wisdom… but I can’t. At least not in the public arena.

However, I’ve found that my current favorite songs are pretty representative of what’s going on in my life right now. I tend to pick songs that I can relate to and obsess over them for however long they stay applicable. I use these songs like a musical narration to my life.

So, rather than try talk obtusely about what’s been going on with me and confuse everyone reading, I’ll just clue you in on what’s been on repeat in my iPod. Maybe you’ll find a new favorite song amongst mine.

A few of my at-this-moment favorites:

Stay -- Sugarland
It's a gorgeous song, first and foremost. The lyrics tell a beautiful story, albeit sad. It's about knowing what's good for you but not being able to do it anyway, about having zero willpower against someone even though you could list 55 million reasons why it might not work, about settling for whatever you can get with that certain someone instead of asserting your own needs. It’s heartbreaking -- but so beautiful.

Forever Yong -- Jay Z
This song actually IS brand new, but I love, love, love it. I've been reflecting a lot on my age -- about what it means to be careening toward 30 at an alarming pace (3.5 years and counting) and what that all means. Am I too old to party on the weekend and hit the bars? What about my life's vision of having a house and a husband and a baby at 30 -- none of which look like they're going to happen by then, and most of which I'm not sure I'd want to happen by then. And sometimes when I'm feeling really deep (or have been helped along by a glass of wine or two), it freaks me out to sit and think, "The past is gone." And I realize that seems laughably simple, but think about it: I'll never, ever have a childhood again. High school is as gone as it ever could be. My college days are never to be experienced again. It's sort of surreal... somehow these times in my life -- these amazing, memorable times -- are somehow gone in the ether, unable to be relived again. Freaky.

I and Love and You – The Avett Brothers
I heard this song for the first time coming home from the bars. I immediately loved its slow, melancholy tune, but once they mentioned Brooklyn -- well, I was hooked. They sing about just being over it all, fed up and mentally exhausted and wanting the refuge of Brooklyn. I can certainly relate to that. They also sing about the irony of how hard it is to tell someone perhaps the three nicest words a person can hope to hear -- I and love and you.

The Show -- Lenka
This is my theme song. It's upbeat and chipper and slightly quirky but 100% cute -- yet has some depth. The chorus could pretty much serve as my every tweet, thought or blog post for the past month or so:
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle/Life is a maze and love is a riddle/I don't know where to go/Can't do it alone/I've tried and I don't know why/I'm just a little girl lost in a moment/I'm so scared but I don't show it/I can't figure it out/It's bringing me down/I know I've got to let it go/And just enjoy the show.

Night Swimming -- Originally by REM, but great covers by both Sugarland and Dashboard Confessional
The song is meandering and subtle and gorgeous. I can practically see a newly in-love couple swimming in a lake with fireflies flitting on a hot summer night. There's something sad about it though -- the song acknowledges that even though the moment is exciting and happy and charged with all of this electric energy, there's an awareness that it's going to end and that one day this moment will just be a bizarre, distant memory.

Joey -- Sugarland
The song is about a kid dying in a car crash, but I find it represents a bigger picture -- looking back at pivotal moments in your life and wondering how the seemingly inconsequential decisions you've made along the way added up or lead to the bigger ones. You just never know what the little things are building toward.

Whatever It is -- Zac Brown Band
Another simple, gorgeous, straightforward song about being in love with someone for no particular reason. I want this song to play at my future wedding (God willing). It makes me melt.

Playlist.

I’ve been in a music mood lately. This isn’t always the case. Sometimes I can go for days without really listening to music (background radio tunes in the car not counted), especially when I’m swamped at work or have plans in the evening.

But thankfully I got to reconnect with music during the drive to Nashville with Katie two weekends ago. I’d like to say I’ve become a fan of some indie band that only seven people in the world have heard of, but I’m just not that cool. Rather, I (re)discovered my love for country music, good old, plain and simple American songs.

Country is one of those things people automatically don’t like even if they’ve never been exposed to it, like brussel sprouts. In many circles it’s just not acceptable to admit you like it, and that’s sad really. EVERYONE can like country music – it’s just a matter of finding the stuff that hits you.

Below is my current playlist. My apologies for the crazy amount of Taylor Swift stuff -- the chick is ridiculously talented.

Wild at Heart – Gloriana
This song gives me butterflies. It’s fun, it’s upbeat and when Katie and I belt it out in the car with the road stretching in front of us, I feel like there’s no better time in the whole entire world. Like a lot of great country songs, it perfectly portrays the feeling of finally connecting with a crush: “Stick you hand in my back pocket/light me up like a bottle rocket/I just wanna freefall for awhile.” And it has my all-time favorite quasi, passive-aggressive come-on line: “Take an inch and I’ll give you a mile.” We’ve decided to make it our official Nashville: The Encore theme song for our trip down south again next month.

Good Directions – Billy Currington
I liked this song before Nashville but now I’m especially biased. As Katie and I bellied up to our first honky tonky bar in Nashville, the band started playing the song. It might have been the exact moment I fell in love with the city. The cowboy hats, the southern accents, the boots, the beers, the cedar floors… Head. Over. Heels.

I’d Lie – Taylor Swift
Confusingly and frustratingly enough, this song can’t be found on any of her albums and isn’t on iTunes (I had to get it through Limewire, or you can listen to it on YouTube). It’s crushingly adorable, basically an excerpt of a girl’s diary who is hopelessly in love with a boy who has no idea she likes him, despite the fact that she knows everything about him (in a non-creepy way). Katie and I are partial to the last verse: “He’d never tell you/but he can play guitar/I think he can see through/everything but my heart/First thought when I wake up/Is my God he’s beautiful/so I put on my makeup/and pray for a miracle/Yes I could tell you/his favorite color’s green/He likes to argue/Oh and it kills me/His sister is beautiful/He has his father’s eyes/If you asked me if I loved him/I’d lie

Out Last Night – Kenny Chesney
It’s just THE perfect song for laughing hysterically upon waking up the morning after a crazy night out and remembering all of the debauchery that went down. After our Saturday evening of Nashville trouble-making, Katie and I stumbled back to our hotel room, plopped ourselves in bed and managed to get out, "We're going to hate ourselves in the morning for this" before passing out. The next morning we woke up, looked at each other, covered our face with our hands in shame and laid into various variations of, "Oh.My.God. I cannot believe I..." And then we cracked up. Cue the song!

Summer Nights – Rascall Flatts
I have to admit I kind of hated this song when I first heard it. Yes, it’s manufactured, a bit inauthentic and obviously was written by marketing people looking for a summer anthem that would play well for commercials and sold-out arena shows alike. So don’t listen to it in the office. Pick a gorgeous day just before dusk, get in your car, roll the windows down, find a road with few traffic lights and THEN blare the song. It works its magic best then.

Fearless – Taylor Swift
Everyone knows the feeling of falling in love (or lust) and thinking that nothing could come close to dampening that buzz. “I don’t know how it gets better than this/You take my hand and drag me head-first/Fearless/And I don’t know why/But with you I’d dance in a storm in my best dress/Fearless”

Lookin’ For a Good Time – Lady Antebellum
Just a fun song about two people in bar – yes, you got it – looking for a good time. But what’s cute about the song is that while the guy and the girl sing mostly about hooking up after a crazy night of drinking together, they also toy with the idea of having feelings for the other: “And the rule is don’t you ever even talk about forever/but you can never say never”

You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift
I can’t say it enough, but Taylor Swift has a knack for writing exactly what I’m feeling (or have felt in the past) but can’t seem to articulate. I think it’s because she doesn’t put too much effort into it – she just says what she means, straight and plain. The result is a catchy, honest, heart felt song that pretty much every girl (and guy) can relate to.

If It Kills Me – Jason Mraz
Okay, he’s not country at all, but I LOVE this song. I first heard it on “So You Think You Can Dance.” I realize that sounds cheesy, but the routine to the dance was uh-maze-ing and choreographed by an Emmy award-winning choreographer. It’s beautiful and about two friends, one of whom is in love with the other and desperately wants to say something about it but just can’t bring himself to do so. Check it out here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf-XfHQY-HE