Saying "hello" to strangers

Blog entry #1

My life as a modern-day hermit:

For years, I would go to work, go to the gym or the grocery store, and then go home. On weekends, I usually only left the house to go to the gym or the grocery store.

At work, I had such a high level of interaction with co-workers, clients, and salespeople, that at the end of the day, I no longer had the desire to speak to anyone but my husband.

I realize that having a job, work-friends, and a spouse isn’t very hermit-like. After all, I have to pay the bills somehow. Loner may be a better word to use, but it makes me think of “loser” and that just doesn’t appeal to me, so I came up with this term instead. Well, I thought I came up with this term.

Until recently, I thought it was a term I alone had created to describe my lifestyle, or rather my rut. Although I knew this lifestyle is certainly not unique, I found from an online search that the use of this term is quite common. (Of course, I hadn’t been networking with other hermits to know this since we don’t do that.)

I always made friends at work and didn’t feel the need to get to know other people. A large reason this always intimidated me is because I worked for a large student loan company. Of course, when meeting someone new, they always want to know what you do and where you work. I have found that a great deal of the time, people I meet either have or know someone who has had some unhappiness in dealing with that company. (Now I know how the employees of the Internal Revenue Service or credit card companies must feel. From my experience of the awkward introduction, I have decided that I would like to work for a company whose name does not strike fear into the hearts of all who are in earshot of me.)

Once the laws governing student loans changed, my former employer was forced to make drastic changes. I’ll never forget the first day of the “bloodbath.” Looking out of the window, I saw a man trudging across the parking lot with a heavy cardboard box. When he opened his trunk, someone drove up behind him and waited for his spot, impatiently idling until the unfortunate worker pulled out of the spot. This poor man left the building with only uncertainty and a box of his personal belongings. First, he had the shock of being in the first wave of downsizing. Now he had someone letting him know in a less than subtle way that he was not wanted there.

Despite the annoyance I felt for that disrespectful driver, I felt a tinge of jealousy as I thought of someone who was able to escape. I wanted to leave, but this was not only the place I worked-it was also where all of my friends worked. I make friends quickly and easily, so making new friends isn’t really the problem. Over seven years, I had six different jobs at my former employer. I was well liked and hard working. I excelled in each position I had, and was confident enough to apply for new positions, successfully moving into different departments with increasing levels of responsibility. Yet during all of this time, I never really lost the security of being in the same company. I had been able to meet people gradually, and each time I went to a new job, a familiar face was already there.

For a while, it seemed that my department was impervious to these changes. Our director was upbeat, advising us that since the company was changing, and our department helped to implement changes, we may be needed “Now more than ever.”

I still had a sense of foreboding, which served me well as I was able to prepare for what was to come. Since I was one of the newest members of the department, I knew I was in the most vulnerable position.

Two months passed, and there were whispers of which department would be next-and then I got a cryptic appointment. I hadn’t even opened the email for the appointment, but there it was. Mysteriously, it was already approved on my calendar. It had shown up on that fateful Friday without me knowing of it in advance. It just said “Meeting” in the subject line, and the two people with whom I would meet were the Senior Director and the same HR representative who had become notorious for leading such meetings. I went to my friend’s high-walled cubicle to ask if she also got the same appointment. No. She had been in the department for over two years. I checked with my friend who had been hired at the same time as I was. She had the appointment. I felt relieved that I wasn’t the only one, but certainly didn’t wish this fate on anyone.

In the end, 25% of my department was not sheltered from the storm. I had been mentally and financially preparing for what I knew would take place, but it still made me feel as though someone had tugged the rug from under my feet as I walked away.

Before that fateful Friday, I had been fine-tuning my résumé, and doing all of the other job search preparation which would be expected; yet knew that more work must to be done. I would need to start networking. Needless to say, I was fine with all other steps of preparation, but that last one left me clueless. What is it about networking that vexes me? I can make friends, I can make a good impression, but if someone is not working with me or within five feet of me, I feel I am pestering them.

I know I am not the only one who feels this way owing to the prevalence of so many others who also describe themselves as modern-day hermits.