End of Days.

With the ever approaching Indianapolis Theatre Fringe Festival, I am finding myself dreading the car ride to The Naptown.
I have never really enjoyed road trips. I took them regularly with my parents to Pittsburgh, Jacksonville and even once to Boston.
But the one that always made me want to run and hide was the one from minneapolis to indianapolis. And Visa Versa. (Incidentally, Visa Versa is a line from my show. Come see it, and you will understand. Any reference to Fred Savage Movies, I will never say no.)
So the ride is about 10 hours. And I always have friends who tell me how long the drive is. Friends who have taken the drive all of once, and think they are the AAA, and I should heed their advice and drive time knowledge.
Well, i lived in Minneapolis with my Mom for years, and visited my Father and Step Mom every year. And when I moved to Indianapolis, I made the trip yearly as well. Even more frequently after I left home as an adult.
Basically, what I am saying is, just because you saw 'Black Beauty' once doesn't make you a Horse Whisperer.
And because I own a lot of swords and have watched every Highlander movie and own the subsequent TV Series on DVD does not mean I can kill you with a sword if you have one as well.
I can kill a Horse Whisperer with a sword, but if that Horse Whisperer is traveling to Indianapolis from The twin Cities at an average speed of 65 miles per hour it does not mean that I will enjoy this road trip no matter how many Queen songs I put on my ipod.

I never said Word problems were my strongest area.
I did say Horse Whispering was. Just once. It was at a party and I was trying to be ironic.

Speaking of Irony, or just discovering Gold in the cave you went in first and abandoned after 20 minutes, only to spend years and years in neighboring caves, but then you just thought you would try the first one just one more time:
I ordered my flyers for the show last week, and there was a mix up. I checked the wrong box, and that wrong box cost me 24 extra hours of waiting time.
I paid for the ultra fast over night next business day thing for close to the cost of the flyers themselves. They should have been here today. this morning in fact. The FedEx man came with my flyers. The FedEx man tried to push my doorbell button, but my doorbell hasn't worked for a couple months. The FedEx man left me a note telling me that 'We Tried'. Now I wait another 24 hours. And I have to leave a note telling the FedEx man to leave it at my door since I will be at work when he comes tomorrow. The reason he didn't leave my flyers at the door today was because of my Production Company name.

MIME RIFLE PRODUCTIONS.

He thought he was delivering gun parts.

That is what the nice lady on the FedEx phone told me was in his notes.

I told her it was for a little play that I worked very hard for and was going to Indianapolis to perform. And that it was not parts for guns. It was pieces of 14lb cardstock that had my face on them. And said stuff about my show. The show I perform for the first time in front of people on Friday night at 10:30pm.

She apologized and said that my address reminded her of 'The Baking Flour'

I said, Yes. Yes. I live on Pillsbury Avenue. Where I assemble motherfucking guns and write little motherfucking plays about the guns I make in my house on the street that is like the MOTHERFUCKING BAKING FLOUR.

The flyers should be there when I get home from work in the morning.

I have to come up with 3 minutes of something to make the people who are coming to the Opening Night Party for the Fringe want to come see my show.

I cannot think of any small bit of the show that would do the show justice.

It might be premature, but I think I am gonna bring Dustin's Panther Suit with me and make a complete ass out of myself. And hand out juice boxes.

I am nothing, if not a whore for attendance.

Tomorrow I am going to go to Costco and buy a truckload of juiceboxes. Then I am going to tape information about the show on each one and only give them to pretty girls.
I am losing my mind...

More to tell you as it comes to me.

Fringe Madness has complete and total control over me.

Stay Awesome and come to my show.

Andy