Making people and ideas findable

Buga, Don't Be Mad at Me

My daughter's nickname is buga... short for suga buga of course. Only I call Katie buga.

Katie is 15 and a sophomore at Greenwood. Katie is beautiful. I know that every father says that about his daughter, but my daughter is - of course - different. Everywhere we go, Katie turns heads.

Today we went shopping. It's not often that we get out and go do this but today was special. My son is done with his semester at IUPUI and we went off to get some groceries and Katie got some clothes... specifically Miley Cyrus jeans.

That's when things went wrong.

You see, Katie doesn't just have designer jeans. Katie has her hair died from strawberry blonde... a unique and beautiful color, to a designer brown. Her hair is straightened daily with a designer straightener.

Katie has designer nails. Instead of an allowance, she likes to have her nails manicured and painted. She goes to the same designer place and actually gets a designer discount now.

Katie wears only enough make-up to accentuate her face. She'd love to wear designer make-up but can't afford it. I took years of me battling with her wearing too much make-up. There were many tears and many battles... but I believe this is one that I finally won.

Katie doesn't have piercings (even earrings). Katie thinks tattoos are cool on a woman (yikes).

Today, Katie told me that she was thinking about working for a tanning salon where she could tan for free in exchange for working there. All her friends are getting tans.

I just about went ballistic.

It wasn't about her wanting to turn herself orange... it was about everything else... hair, nails, clothing, make-up... I'm tired of if. Working for free to turn her perfect skin a leathery brown was too much to handle. Enough is enough.

Katie said to me, "Why can't you just like me for who I am?"

I went ballistic.

"Who you are? WHO YOU ARE? Who ARE YOU?"

I might be the only person in the world who loves Katie with all my soul for who she ACTUALLY is. I love her natural hair color. I love how beautiful she is without make-up. I love her when she's roaming around the house in sweats. She's a beautiful girl who's quickly becoming a woman.

I told her, "Don't be mad at ME! Be MAD at the ADVERTISING WORLD WHO IS BATTERING YOU WITH MESSAGES THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE HAPPY WITH WHO YOU ARE!!!"

They are the ones who want Katie to die her hair and not be happy with her natural color. They are the ones who want her to straighten her hair. They are the ones who want her to by make-up. They are the ones who want her dressed in designer clothing.

Why isn't she mad at THEM?!

Why aren't we all mad at THEM?!

It's not easy raising a 15 year-old teenager, let alone by yourself. I've been raising Katie and my son for 8 years on my own. It's a battle every day! Every day! But I'm not giving up... Katie will figure out someday that I wasn't being a mean ol' Dad.

I was actually looking out for her and loving her for the beautiful person she is.

Don't be mad at me, buga! I'm the one that truly loves you for who you are.

Tags: daughter, katie, peer, pressure, raising

Comment

You need to be a member of Smaller Indiana to add comments!

Join Smaller Indiana

Comment by Greg Cross on December 28, 2009 at 9:34pm: @doug We are all hypocrites at something - but if I recall, you are a Navy man and well, tattoos and sailors go together right - you were destined to have a tattoo - smile!

Comment by Douglas Karr on December 28, 2009 at 11:08am: @Shawn thanks! We'll get through this as we get through everything else. Katie knows how much I love her - that's what really matters.

Comment by Shawn Quick-Raflik on December 28, 2009 at 10:57am: Doug - good luck! Raising a teenage girl is a full time job on its own. I can remember being 15 and the pressure young girls feel to fit in. I was also raised by a single parent and I knew what buttons to push to get my way. Stand Strong - you are the parent.

Comment by Douglas Karr on December 27, 2009 at 6:31pm: @Greg @Sarah I actually have a tattoo and don't mind tattoos on women at all. However, my 15 year-old daughter doesn't fall into that category... Hypocrite? Yes!!!

As an afternote, I made Katie's Christmas... she got her hair done, nails done, bought some new outfits and had an all around great holiday. She's got me wrapped! :)

Comment by Sarah Norman on December 27, 2009 at 3:43pm: @Greg,

That is perfectly fine to feel that way. I was just responding to you question in your statement: "But why do you get them?"

Comment by Greg Cross on December 24, 2009 at 12:27pm: @sarah Like I said, at the risk of sounding insensitiv,e I think they are stupid, which is to not be confused or interpreted to mean that the person who gets a tattoo is stupid (though there may be exceptions no doubt). I have many highly intelligent friends and associates who have tattoos, but again I would have no problem communicating to them either that I think their tattoos do not flatter them one bit, especially in a professional environment. I realize that this is my perspective, but it is one that I am comfortable living with. Thanks for the healthy dialog on this.

Comment by Sarah Norman on December 24, 2009 at 12:57am: @Greg,

tattoos are not for everyone. Just like football is not for everyone. "How can you make that comparison??" Easy. A common argument against tattoos is that they inflict pain, and who would want that? Don't tell me football players never experience pain. Another argument against tattoos is that they're permanent, and you may regret getting one. Football injures people all the time, and sometimes it's pretty serious, to the point where they are permanently injured.

I have a couple of tattoos, and here is my take. I waited until I was 20 or so to get my first one, after giving it a great deal of thought. I got them for me, not to satisfy a popularity contest (believe me, I'm so not up to date on fashion trends). I enjoy them immensely. I think they are beautiful. Maybe when I'm 80 I won't care for the way they look on my saggy body, but I doubt I will really care much about my looks at that point.

In case you are interested, here is one of them.

I think it is safe to say that I didn't get this to attract a love interest, unless it was a uniquely nerdy appreciator of art history, and I married him before getting this done :)

Comment by Greg Cross on December 24, 2009 at 12:20am: Doug, thanks for the read. Curious if your daughter read or will read this? I've got a nine year old daughter. Her name is Abi. I am still enjoying the "my Dad is the bestest Dad in the whole world" moments and the times of being able to show up unannounced at her school and have lunch with her (she's in the third grade). Enjoying giving her hugs in public without her feeling embarrassed.

A word on Tattoos to all the "girls" reading this. I am one guy who thinks tattoos are a total turn off. Why do women "feel" that this is such a fashion statement. I know you can get em' - I get that part. But why do you get them? I know tattoos are not a man thang or a woman thang - at the risk of sounding totally insensitive - I for one just think they are a stupid thang.

And Doug is right on this too, at least implicitly - the marketing and advertising pundits are the one's that have made tattoos and other fashion faux pas' a "I gotta have a tattoo if I want to feel important or fashionably savvy."

For me my problem is just trying to keep up with fashion and not wearing the same shirt or pants I wore 10+ years ago. Smile! Again, thanks Doug for the peek into your Dad hat role.

Comment by Douglas Karr on December 23, 2009 at 12:23pm: @Sage @Serina thanks for the support.

Comment by Serina Kelly on December 23, 2009 at 12:10pm: Thank you for sharing a daddy's insight and love. I have a 4 1/2 year old beauty myself and cringe when I already see "them" getting to her.

Thanks again! Just know - one day she will definitely appreciate it.