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Communication Is Receiver Defined...So What Are You REALLY Saying?
Okay, so I have been absolutely enthralled with Fox's new series, Lie To Me. First off, not only am I a HUGE Tim Roth fan (Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, People!), but as much as this show is entertaining, it is also very real. For anyone who has had the chance to check it out, don't you love that they show real-life photos to get their point across? I do. :-)
Well, after watching this show, it has really made me reflect on how important our non-verbal communication is. What is my body language REALLY saying? How am I coming across? How do you come across? I am a communication arts major and have always been fascinated by communication of any kind. So, that being said, I want to focus my next few blogs on non-verbal communication.
There are a couple of things that I find very important, especially in leadership and in sales:
1. Does what you say coincide with how you act? We want to make our verbal and non-verbals consistent with each other. You obviously don't want to say one thing with your words and feel/act the opposite with your body. There is nothing that will turn off an employee or future customer faster than them not trusting what you say to be accurate or promising.
2. Now, let's look at gestures. I believe that we have open or closed gestures. I mean, we've all heard that if you're talking to someone and they have their arms crossed, then that means they're closed off, right? Well, not necessarily. It's important to remember that each gesture is like a word. Groups of gestures are like sentences. In order to accurately interpret the message, you’ve got to “hear” the whole sentence. Beware of jumping to immediate conclusions based on single or isolated gestures.
As business owners, leaders, and salespeople, we must understand the impact our body language has on other people. We must also understand that we need to be dynamic. In other words, we must be filled with energy and vitality. Why is this an important characteristic for you as a leader? This quality inspires self-confidence in others. It projects confidence and leadership. Certain gestures say that you are self-confident and a leader. We'll talk about them on Monday. :-)
What are your thoughts on the show? Have you ever noticed inconsistencies with these in other people?
I'm going to leave you with this great quote:
“No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips. Betrayal oozes out of every pore.”
… Sigmund Freud
Well, after watching this show, it has really made me reflect on how important our non-verbal communication is. What is my body language REALLY saying? How am I coming across? How do you come across? I am a communication arts major and have always been fascinated by communication of any kind. So, that being said, I want to focus my next few blogs on non-verbal communication.
There are a couple of things that I find very important, especially in leadership and in sales:
1. Does what you say coincide with how you act? We want to make our verbal and non-verbals consistent with each other. You obviously don't want to say one thing with your words and feel/act the opposite with your body. There is nothing that will turn off an employee or future customer faster than them not trusting what you say to be accurate or promising.
2. Now, let's look at gestures. I believe that we have open or closed gestures. I mean, we've all heard that if you're talking to someone and they have their arms crossed, then that means they're closed off, right? Well, not necessarily. It's important to remember that each gesture is like a word. Groups of gestures are like sentences. In order to accurately interpret the message, you’ve got to “hear” the whole sentence. Beware of jumping to immediate conclusions based on single or isolated gestures.
As business owners, leaders, and salespeople, we must understand the impact our body language has on other people. We must also understand that we need to be dynamic. In other words, we must be filled with energy and vitality. Why is this an important characteristic for you as a leader? This quality inspires self-confidence in others. It projects confidence and leadership. Certain gestures say that you are self-confident and a leader. We'll talk about them on Monday. :-)
What are your thoughts on the show? Have you ever noticed inconsistencies with these in other people?
I'm going to leave you with this great quote:
“No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips. Betrayal oozes out of every pore.”
… Sigmund Freud
Tags: communication, fox, leadership, lie, me, non-verbal, roth, sales, tim, to
Comment
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Comment by Lindsay Manfredi on January 31, 2009 at 9:51pm -
Jennifer, you are seriously funny....ocd! :-) Do you just overthink? I think you do. I mean, if you didn't, you wouldn't be able to write the fabulous book you're writing. I guess the good thing about buying alcohol is that a) you're over 21 so no matter how sheepish you are, you can't be denied, and b) you still look like you're under 21. I get all excited when I get carded.
But anyway, I don't think you're screwed up. You're just honest. I would fail a lie detector test too because of the anxiety. I would put way too much thought into it.
I think the main thing is though, try to be aware. If you're conscious, you can control it a little. Maybe...:-)
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Comment by Jennifer Litz on January 31, 2009 at 3:45pm -
As has been said ... great post.
What about the paranoid among us who overthink our body language? I always thought that if I had to take a lie detector test, I'd fail, because I'd be fretting even over telling the truth: "Oh my God. I'm not lying. But maybe they think I'm lying. Heart rate going up!"
One nonverbal cue I can never get under control is when I'm buying alcohol and I get carded. At 26, I'm STILL sheepish when they're checking my I.D. My biggest problem is not knowing proper protocol: Do you stare at a server/bouncer's face so they can check for verisimilitude? No no, I'll sometimes think, that'll look like I'm trying too hard. So I'll just look off, which could probably be perceived as evasive.
For screwed-up people like me, nonverbal communication is especially difficult! :)
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Comment by Lindsay Manfredi on January 31, 2009 at 2:38pm
- Auh Brandon. I used to be a personal trainer so I absolutely understand where you are coming from when it comes to training your employees the importance of body language as well as your clients. Before the gym that I worked at actually had personal trainers through NASM, they had a couple of people helping new members. I always had a huge problem with that because the workers, I felt, were not great examples of how a trainer should look or be. In the fitness world, you have to practice what you preach. That is imperative for gaining and retention of clients. (You know this.) :-) Thanks for reading and for your feedback.
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Comment by Brandon Sobotka on January 31, 2009 at 11:24am - Lindsay, I love the post, however I have not watched the show. Not really a TV person. I have spent countless hours developing personal trainers communication skills. I attribute the majority of my success as a leader to my personal dedication to learning and applying these skills myself. Just as you spoke of, fitness professionals have to be great leaders by example. They must consistently follow through with enthusiasm and positive energy both verbally and non-verbally. They must also be able to read these cues in order to help motivate and inspire their clients. I'm actually looking to get out of the fitness industry and into Human Resources Training and Development, Organizational Development, and/or Leadership Development so I can learn and apply these skills even more. I know so many people who suffer because of bad leaders who struggle with communication. My goal is to help change this. I look forward to hearing more on these types of topics.
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Comment by Lindsay Manfredi on January 30, 2009 at 6:33pm
- Thanks Rachel. I agree, you can indeed show energy without bouncing off the walls...though I have been guilty depending on my caffeine intake. :-) But I really want to get across that people who pay attention can see through if you are not completely authentic. Leaders need to be authentic. That is a characteristic others need in order to relate. And when there is authenticity, you'd have to work really hard for there to not be consistency.
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Comment by Rachel Mahl on January 30, 2009 at 5:00pm -
Good post, Lindsay. We have been talking about that show this week as well in our office. Primarily, because we teach communication skills training to our clients. Non verbal cues are important, and we teach that in a few of our classes that we offer...http://www.accentonbusiness.net/class.shtml
I think too when people hear that they need to be filled with energy, that doesn't mean they have to be charismatic. You can show your energy without completely bouncing off the walls.
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