To Be the Tabula Rasa

Recently, a friend was recounting his experience with therapy many years ago and explaining why he terminated services. At a basic level, he was not getting what he needed or wanted from that experience. I try to explain to my clients that there is a continuum of what one needs or wants from a therapist so that I can encourage them to give me feedback about what is most helpful to them. There is a difference between needs and wants; however if the counselor is unable to match the wants of the client, he/she will never be able to address the needs of the client. Some clients want direction or feedback; some want none. Some clients want homework; some just want a safe place to dump emotionally. And so on. This continuum is at least part of the reason given for all those articles on choosing the right therapist for you. There are some client desires that are out of anyone's control such as gender, race, and age. These should not make a difference if the therapist is an effective professional; however, the client's personal prejudice or comfort can limit how effective a consultant the professional can be. It is important for the client to feel comfortable with their chosen counselor; however, I believe it is the responsibility of the therapist to be an effective professional by matching the wants of the client

Unfortunately, some therapists may not be able to be the tabula rasa necessary to serve their clients. As much as I appreciate those that say that I have, I do not actually have the power to change anyone's life. The therapist is a consultant that assists one in the process of improving his/her life and meeting personal goals. Not until a therapist has met the wants of a client can he or she introduce possible goals that meet the needs of the client. A woman that does not feel comfortable around men will not be able to disclose in treatment with a male counselor, no matter how compassionate and professional he may be. In the same way, if a client is seeking validation, a problem-solving approach will be rejected by the client. That client wants validation and cannot move forward without it. Once the appropriate therapeutic relationship has been established, a trusted counselor can introduce many things to the client, yet it is always the client that chooses whether or not to accept a goal; the client is the only one that can make a change in his/her life.

Some therapists can be biased against emotional dumping, feeling as if they are not working hard enough. I would venture that the current insurance system has set us up for this, demanding measurable changes. There are certainly positives to measurable changes as there are many practicing that are minimally qualified; it also demonstrates improvement, encouraging the client. Yet there can be benefit for a client that simply desires a safe space to share emotions. The client may gain self-awareness without feedback which can be more empowering. Other therapists may not be able to provide the action plan the client desires. In the case of my friend, at that point in his life, he was looking for some solid answers. The therapist's approach of validating all of his actions, thoughts, and feelings left him feeling more stuck, leading him to give up on therapy. Validating is a positive aspect of therapy, but it was not the right tool or the only tool needed for him. Perhaps she is a “hammer” therapist, who has found one tool that works for her and uses it in all cases. Perhaps she was working from her own frame of reference, which is certainly common in the general population but not appropriate for a professional therapist, and did not recognize that would not work for his scientific brain.

The ability to not only recognize or discover what a client wants from treatment, but to be that tabula rasa is a basic component of what starts to separate the most effective therapists. Unfortunately there are many therapists who are not attuned to this that may be doing harm by simply disillusioning people to the possibly effectiveness of therapy when another professional may be able to help them create the change in their life that they desire.