Top 10 Reasons Why I am NOT attending the Bigger Ideas Conference

Every day I look, it seems like more and more people are signing up for this so-called "Bigger Ideas Conference."

Let me serve as a candle in the wind (I love that song, NON-PRINCES DI VERSION THANK YOU) standing up against this crazy confluence of creative curmudgeons.

Here are the Top 10 reasons why I am NOT - repeat NOT - one more time - NOT attending said conference.

10. I think INSIDE not OUTSIDE the box - especially if there's a nice corn beef on rye and baked lays in there.
9. I can inspire myself, I don't need others to do it for me - So what if there are going to be a throng of engaging speakers there, I make my own innovation, in my own little office, with no calls e-mails and no clients to bother me with questions or new business.
8. Innovation/Schminnovation - Kind of like number 9 - I am too busy coming up with my own innovations to let someone else's ideas influence my won. HERE's AN EXAMPLE: I am working on a hairdo-hybrid of the mullet and perm called -- wait for it -- the "MERM". If I went to this conference someone might recommend calling it the "PULLET." See I just thought of it, so no need to go now.
7. I watch "The Office" therefore I am hip.
6. I don't care much about helping the community - If I did I care I would go.
5. Everything I need to know I read on Twitter.
4. Smaller Indiana - Bigger Ideas Conference you say? I am waiting for the Bigger Indiana - Smaller Ideas Conference.
3. I'd rather have colorectal surgery.
2. I heard Jenny Devoe will be speaking - great, why should I listen to what a SINGER is SAYING?
1. The last time I opened my mind to "passionate ideas" I got pregnant.